10 Things I Would Do with a 10 inch Penis

*FIVE YEARS LATER* Apparently I stole the M&M joke from Dane Cook. It was an innocent mistake of my subconscious. I'm sure Dane Cook, of all people, would understand.

***I hope I don't lose too much respect for the raunchiness of this entry. Children under the age of 17 should not read this. Pursue reading under your own discretion.

1. Get an erection, put M&M's (preferably plain, because I believe peanut M&M's wouldn't be stable) on the tip of my penis, and catapult them into my mouth.

2. Dip it in glue, wrap it in felt, draw a face on the felt, and go around asking girl's if they want to pet my ferret.

3. Attach a grenade launcher to it, find an open field, and before I shoot it yell "Say hello to my little friend!"

4. Put it in a 10' hot dog bun, squirt mustard and ketchup onto it, bring it into Weiner Schnitzel, and tell them "I asked for no mustard."

5. Pay a prostitute $50 if she can hide it from plain sight.

6. Provide shelter for a Smurf family with my mushroom tip.

7. Go to a Star Wars convention, paint it blue, find someone dressed as Darth Vader, whip it out, and say "I'll come on the darkside."

8. On Halloween dress up like the Hulk and tell people "You won't like me when I'm horny!"

9. Lay down on Megan Fox's kitchen counter and be her "Official Paper Towel Holder." (You might have to think about that one a little)

10. Masturbate.