Pencil Lead and Heartbreak

*This is really old but I never posted it here. Enjoy, you heartbroken motherfuckers.

Diamonds are nature’s proof that something beautiful can come from harsh, ruthless conditions. Diamonds are formed one hundred miles below the earth’s surface. The temperature reaches 1400 degrees Celsius, where intense pressure and stress is applied to specific elements, that are very similar to what is in the lead of your pencil. The only difference between pencil lead and diamonds are the atoms; they are arranged more tightly due to more stress and pressure in diamonds. Gases like nitrogen and elements like sulfur get trapped in diamonds, becoming apart of it, which is what gives the diamond its color.
Getting over a girl, in most cases, doesn’t take quite as long as it does for a diamond to form, but the rocks you are squeezed between put you under just as much pressure and stress, if not more. It is a long, difficult process, but in the end you will come away with knowledge and maturity. You will be a diamond, engrained with the gases that now give you color.
The immediate reaction to rejection is denial. You will often think about how perfect you were together, and be confused that just yesterday, you had an amazing time at the movies; or so you thought. That’s when you begin making excuses for her: She’s just confused, she’s a free spirit, she’ll figure it out. Or my personal favorite, she’s scared of how much she likes me. In a movie, these explanations might be possible, but in reality she’s just not that into you. But that realization won’t come until much later.
After denial, comes anger. You are reminded of all the things you did for her. You were there for her, you fought with friends defending her, the words you wrote for her feel wasted. She didn’t deserve all the time you spent writing her stupid poems.
The anger phase usually ends with drunken, angry text messages and/or phone calls. It’s not until you have completely obliterated your pride and dignity that you reach the depression phase. The depression phase is by far the worst. You question the existence of love, you’re unshaven, below average hygiene, and you have worn the same jeans for a week now. You remember how long it took to find her, and how bleak the chances are of finding another like her. She was the girl of your dreams—how does one move on from the girl of your dreams? At this point in the process, you might wander down to the local park, hang out near the entrance to the slide to warn the boys not to fall in love. You wish you still thought girls had cooties too. Your friends are constantly the victims of your rants about women and love. You dread every night, because before you sleep, you think about her for hours and remember all the happy times. You remember looking into her eyes—that’s the worst; remembering the sparkle in her eye that no longer shined for you. The dreams are equally as bad. You dream you are together, happy. This cruel illusion feels so real—and then you wakeup. She’s not next to you and you feel the sting of the rejection, for the first time, all over again.

After being away and without her for so long, you lie to yourself. We can be friends. I’m mature enough; we’re not in high school where ex’s are arch nemeses. You might send her a text or give her a call explaining your desire for friendship. She accepts because after all, “you are such a great guy.” You start talking again, even hang out in groups. She thinks your new friendship is great, but your mind starts playing tricks on you. I think she likes me again. When I handed her a beer, she touched my hand. She didn’t have to touch my hand—but she did. It’s this type of thinking that leads to your relapse. You pour out your soul all over again, because after all, you believe in true love and you know that it’s meant to be. Again you feel the rejection, or sometimes even better you find out that there’s a guy she’s been talking to (so much for “not wanting commitment at this time in her life”). This time it’s easier however. You develop a callous, or numbness. That feeling leads to the last stage.

Acceptance. You reach the point where you make many realizations about your life. You can admit that, to an extent, you made her up in your head. You wanted so much for her to be the girl you fabricated in your mind, so much that it became real. Often times you conclude that seeing her or being friends with her is very unhealthy. It is hard to say goodbye to someone, especially after being so close. Maybe someday you’ll be friends again, but not anytime soon.

People who don’t take chances at love end up pencil lead. They never get hurt or undergo the extreme conditions that a diamond does, so they remain useful or necessary, but are never cherished.  People who take the risk end up diamonds; eventually deeply valued by someone, as a precious jewel.